Call It What You Want
by LadyDemolition
Summary: At a party Chris decides to get drunk. Sadly  ?  alcohol makes him spill the truth and makes him confess things he probably shouldn't have.


"It's so good to see you boys!", Lea cheered when Darren and Chris arrived.

They hugged the young woman tightly, pressing kisses on her cheek.

"I missed you so much!", Chris said sincerely before walking into the crowded room.

Darren agreed, smiling at Lea brightly, staying to talk to her.

Chris moved into the crowd, not bothering to talk to anyone, searching for a drink.

He really needed one right now.

Darren had been with him the whole day, reminding him why he fell for this man and he just couldn't stand it.

He didn't feel like being around people, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts, the young man needed to focus.

Finally he got to the bar, cursing the people who were being served first quietly.

He just needed this stupid party to end, he didn't even want to go in first place.

Chris looked around the room and his eyes found Darren immediately, hating himself for looking at him chatting with Lea.

He knew he shouldn't be jealous since it was Lea and she was taken but he knew exactly what a flirt the other man was.

The blue-eyed man quickly chugged his drink, the alcohol burning his throat, making him shudder.

He swallowed, coughing lightly, ordering another one.

Chris knew he must look awful right now.

He didn't talk to anyone, he just sat, ordering drinks so the night would be over soon.

The young man cursed himself whenever Darren looked back at him, his glance meeting Chris's eyes directly, making his stomach and heart flutter.

_"Fuck you!",_ he wanted to scream but quickly swallowed the thought with another shot.

He hated the older man, he hated the way he made him feel, how he gave him hope and kept flirting with him all the time.

For him it was nothing but a joke but didn't he realize Chris wasn't one of his straight buddies?  
>It wasn't all fun and games for him and he hated Darren for having it that easy.<p>

He was the straight one, he wasn't the one to blame and yet he was.

Darren was the one who called Chris up late at nights, asking to come over, cuddling with him on the couch, making him feel like he mattered, like he was special and loved.

Chris was miserable and rolled his eyes when Darren walked over to him.

"Chris...what's wrong? You keep drinking this...really hard stuff man and you're not even talking to anyone here. You know...there are a lot of gay guys around, you should step up to your game Chris! By the way...you look very good tonight."

The younger man felt a smile tug on his lips but he forced himself to stop.

Who was he kidding?

Darren wasn't supposed to say things like that, Chris wanted to tell him to shut up but he just turned around, ignoring the other man.

"What is it Chris?", Darren didn't let him escape this easily and he should've known, he never did.

"Nothing.", he lied, not caring to turn around again.

"Are you...did I do something?", Darren asked and Chris squeezed his eyes shut.

"No, no of course not Darren, you always do everything right! Always the gentleman, Darren fucking Criss.", he spat, his voice thick with alcohol.

"Whoa ok...you're drunk...I should probably get you home...", Darren said, taking Chris's drink out of his hand, placing it out of reach for him.

"Oh no I can't go! There are plenty of gay guys I could get laid by!", the younger man slurred, his voice sarcastic and bitter.

"Fucking hell Chris what's gotten in to you! I didn't do anything!"

"Of course not! Just fuck you Darren ok? Fuck you and your fucking ways ok? I can't take this anymore and you know exactly what I'm talking about!", Chris got up, nearly tripping over, when he felt Darren's strong hands holding him, pulling him up, wrapping an arm around him to get him out.

"LEA! We're leaving, Chris had enough for tonight, I'm getting him home! It was nice to see you guys again though, tell them bye from us!"

"Sure thing! Poor Chris, I love you! Take care!", she yelled, waving at Darren before he left the building.

"LET GO!", Chris raged, freeing himself from Darren's arm.

"Listen! I'm taking you home! You sit down, eat something, drink some water to sober the fuck up and then we sit and fucking talk! I don't know what's going on but I need to know and I'm not leaving until I do. You can't just scream at me like that!"  
>"WHY THE FUCK NOT!", Chris yelled, his voice breaking lightly.<p>

"Because I'm your friend! I didn't do anything to make you mad tonight and I don't fucking get it!", Darren snapped back.

"Well then you must be blind...", Chris whispered barely audible.

"What was that?", Darren asked.

"Nothing just...let's just get to this fucking car."

The car ride was awkward, nearly painful for both of them.

They wouldn't talk, Chris would just stare out of the window, his eyes heavy and burning.

Darren tried to focus on the road, not daring to look at the other man.

When they finally arrived at Chris's apartment complex he rushed out of the car, opening the door harshly, not caring to wait for Darren who slowly got out, sighing and running his hand over his face.

This was going to be something.

"CHRIS! What the fuck!"  
>"I want to get over with it ok? I-I don't want this to take long just fucking come in already!", he held his door open, waiting for Darren to enter his apartment, their eyes didn't meet once.<p>

"Sit down, I'll get you some coke and something to eat. I can't talk to you if you're like that."  
>"Oh you think I'm like that because I'm drunk?", Chris slurred, "Well tell you something smartass, have you ever thought about me being like that because I'm fucking sick of it all?", he asked, his eyes gleaming at Darren angrily, turning around to face the wall again.<p>

"I still don't know what I did! We spent the whole day together and it was all good, you were fine all along."

"Was I?", Chris spat bitterly, then there was silence.

"Well...apparently. I'm clueless so please tell me."

"I can't."  
>"What?", Darren said, he was frustrated.<p>

"I can't tell you, it's not save...it'll mess things up and I really have no idea how stupid you are for not getting it."

"Oh insulting now, are we that far already?"

"Honestly? I should've been this far a long time ago.", Chris said, "And would you please sit down too if you want to talk?"

"You're not talking to me so why the fuck would I stay?", Darren asked, grabbing his jacket, rushing to the door.

"You can't just walk away like that!", Chris yelled.

Darren turned around one last time.

"I can do whatever the fuck I want. I'm not your little boyfriend you can boss around Chris. I'm your friend but you're being an asshole and I just can't be around you like that. If you're sober and you can talk, fine. Give me a call, whatever but don't make me responsible for your poor fucked up self. We both know it's not my fault you're bitter...I tried to fix you."  
>"Well that didn't work out did it? Because you fucking broke me without even noticing but yeah fine, whatever. Get the fuck out and you think I'm going to call? Well fuck you! I'm not! I don't need someone to steady my 'poor fucked up self' which by the way isn't something a friend should say but yeah we're great <em>friends<em>...you wanted to talk, it wasn't me. So you should call me when you're ready to find out the truth!"

"I am ready...but you're not...otherwise you'd tell me right now. But never mind you're wasted, you probably won't remember any of this tomorrow."  
>"I will, believe me...I'm not that drunk. I still know what a dick you are."<br>"Stop fucking insulting me for no reason! I just wanted to help, I wanted to know why you're being miserable and you're doing nothing but giving me shit for it?"

"I'm not...god...it's pointless...just...just leave...fine...I'll call you tomorrow. We'll talk, we'll scream and fight but yeah, I'll tell you the truth."  
>"Good...see you tomorrow then.", Darren said, a sinking feeling in his stomach and a thick lump forming in his throat.<p>

When the door closed with a loud thump, Chris felt like crying but he couldn't.

He felt absolutely numb.

What had he done?

He spread out on the couch, not caring about wrinkling his dress shirt and just closed his eyes, trying desperately not to think about the next day.

He would be hungover and lose his best friend.  
>Chris stopped thinking, the alcohol was making him tired and he passed out before he could even blink one more time.<p>

When he woke up he felt the usual burning feeling in his stomach along with something else.

He rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair.

Chris winced when he sat up, a harsh pain stinging in his head and then he remembered.

He slapped his hand over his mouth, getting up as quickly as he could.

Too quickly for his sore body.

The young man stumbled back, slumping down on the couch again.  
>"Fuck!", he exclaimed, rubbing his eyes.<p>

His hands were shaky and pale, he probably should eat something but his stomach told him otherwise.

Instead he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

Lea had texted him asking him if he was ok.

He thought about replying the truth.

_'No, I'm not. I fucked up. Finished. I yelled at the person I love and treated him like the idiot he is. He's straight you know? So it's my fault, really. It's fucking Darren Criss by the way, my coworker, my friend and I'm head over heels in love with this guy! Why? - I have no idea I just know I need to call him but he hates me so I'm scared. Thank you for caring though.'_

No, he couldn't do that so he just settled for a short:

_'I'm fine, don't worry! :)'_

He tucked away the phone again.

Chris couldn't call the other man right now.

What time was it anyway?  
>He dragged his feet to the kitchen, getting some dietcoke and a slice of toast before wandering back to the couch.<p>

The young man felt disgusting, numb.

He needed to shower but what he wanted to do most was crawl into a hole and never come out again.

Chris jumped when his phone vibrated and beeped in his pants, he quickly pulled it out, looking at the screen through bloodshot , tired eyes.

_'Hey...call me when you're up. I know you probably don't want to but we need to figure this shit out. I need to know what's going on. - DC'_

Chris smiled bitterly at the 'DC' but the smile quickly faded as he realized.

He needed to take a quick shower and get this right...well as right as it could get.

Confessing that you can't stand seeing your best friend for some time until you got over him wasn't exactly the nicest thing to do but it needed to be done.

It was eating Chris up inside and hurt him more than he wanted to admit.

After he got out of the shower he quickly changed into some worn out jeans and a plain shirt.

He still felt a bit shaky when he dialed Darren's number.

The first beep made him shake.

The second got his heart beating so hard and fast it felt like shattering.

By the third he finally heard Darren's low voice.

His mouth went dry and breathing was hard, he needed to focus.

"Hello? Chris?", he heard the other man's voice and he thought he'd already answered.

Chris shook his head.

"Hey.", he finally managed to say.

"Hi...do you...do you want me to come over? I need to get some stuff so...I'd be on my way anyway."  
>"Y-Yeah sure, sure you can, yeah. Come over.", he stuttered, feeling like the biggest idiot ever.<p>

"Ok see you in a few then.", the older man said, hanging up.

Chris was pacing around in his apartment, his mind racing and he had no idea how to tell Darren.

Tequila tended to make these things easier.

When he heard the doorbell he freaked out internally.

He took a few deep breaths before finally opening the door, cold dark hazel eyes meeting his blues.

"Hey."  
>"Hi...uh...come in.", Chris said, scratching his head.<p>

This was terrible already.

"Sit...please...it's freaking me out.", Darren said, looking at the other man who was still pacing around the apartment.

"Sorry...I just...I don't know what exactly I said to you last night but I'm really really sorry. I know I was a bit...rude but I didn't mean to. I'm just so frustrated Darren...I don't even know what I'm saying right now...fuck!", he cursed, trying to calm down.

"Relax...you were completely wasted so I'm not mad just...confused. It's just me Chris...", he tried to comfort him.

"That's the point! It's not just _you_. Fuck Darren don't you notice?"  
>Darren looked at him but quickly turned his head so he wasn't facing the younger man anymore.<p>

"I do..."  
>"I'm sorry.", Chris whispered, his head hanging low, he didn't know what else to say.<p>

"D-Don't apologize.", Darren said.

"Yes, because I-I didn't mean to..."

_Fall for you?_

_Want you?_

_Love you?_

"I didn't mean to make things weird.", Chris muttered

"You can't help it Chris..."  
>"But I should've...I mean what am I thinking?", he laughed bitterly, "You're straight, you told me a hundred times before and still...I know I can never be that for you so why was I trying so hard and thinking that maybe one day I could? I mean it's not like you weren't giving me reasons to...but still...I should've known...I've always been a realist why can't I be with this?"<p>

"Because reality can be scary sometimes...", Darren whispered, messing with Chris's mind. "I'm sorry...I know I-I must be very fucking confusing and I'm sorry I didn't notice what I was doing to you with that...I thought you were ok with it."  
>"Of course I was ok with it Darren! Why wouldn't I be?", Chris spat.<p>

"I'm just so confused...I mean...I know I'm straight. I've been like that all my life. I've never looked at a guy and thought 'Wow, I want to be more than friends with him.' No, never...but when I met you I...started doubting."  
>Chris blinked, he couldn't believe what Darren was saying and he honestly couldn't tell if he wasn't still sleeping, sobering up.<p>

"I'm doing it again...", Darren muttered and Chris nodded.

"You are..."  
>"I'm sorry I...I really need to get my shit right, I know..."<p>

"Darren? Promise me something?", Chris asked carefully and Darren looked at him, his heart wrenching.

"Sure."  
>"Can we...just carry on like we used to before? I mean...you could still come over every now and then to watch a movie or something...just...I don't want this to be screwed up."<br>"I-I don't know.", Darren said, his hands rubbing his temples.

"Please...", Chris pleaded, his voice low and raspy.

"O-ok...we'll try."

Chris smiled weakly, he felt like his legs were giving out.

"Are you still going to that wrap party tomorrow?", Darren asked carefully.

It was the last day of shooting Glee the next day for now, they still had a scene they had to shoot together...as a happy, completely in love couple.

The younger man felt sick when he remembered, a firm knot growing in his stomach and a lump forming in his throat made it hard to swallow.

"I guess...", he finally said, knowing it was a bad idea.  
>They would be drinking again and Chris couldn't help but be afraid of what he would say to Darren this time.<p>

"Ok...uhm...", the older man scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "See you on set then?"

"Yeah..."

"Goodnight Chris...", Darren said, walking to the door.

"Night Darren.", Chris said back, trying to sound as steady as possible.

When the door had fallen shut he slumped back on the couch again.

What was he doing?  
>Darren knew. He <em>knew! <em>Yet he was still confusing and it absolutely terrified Chris.  
>How was he even supposed to act around him now? <p>

_'When I met you I...started doubting.'_, these words hunted him the whole day, echoing in his head, Darren's expression, absolutely sincere and still a bit broken.

Chris's head started spinning.

He just couldn't sort his thoughts.

What was that even supposed to mean?

Too many questions were running through his head and he decided he should just lay down.

Give himself a break and try to get over with this day.

Tomorrow was a new one and whether it was good or bad, those questions were meant to be answered.

When Chris arrived on set the next day Darren was already there, completely in his outfit and hair gelled down, only a few curls trying to find their way out under the thick, slick layer.

He smiled weakly at the younger man when he saw him.

Just a bit, a small smile tugging on his lips before he turned away again, taking a deep breath.

Chris closed his eyes shut, shaking his head before getting a grip, walking up to Darren.

That's who he was, _Darren_, his best friend, coworker, soulmate.

"Hey.", he said shyly cursing himself once again for being such a coward and realized how stupid they'd been to think they could be around each other normally after _this_.

"You wanna read through the script?", Chris asked carefully, his eyes never meeting Darren's.

"No...I'm good I guess...", he said and the younger man felt his stomach sink.

"O-ok...", he stuttered, internally punching himself.

Chris walked away awkwardly, slowly going back as soon as he was done with his makeup and outfit and he tried to be Kurt, he really tried but it seemed like he couldn't get in character that day.

'Blaine' was supposed to look him deeply in the eyes, confessing his love once again, softly taking his hands in his, squeezing and kissing him passionately.

He couldn't do it.

He was shaking already, _'completely unprofessional'_, he thought to himself.

When he finally sat down in front of 'Blaine' the shudders seemed to go away slowly.

His eyes fluttered open, he hadn't even noticed he closed them in first place, meeting big hazel ones and he frowned.

"Are we ok?", Darren asked.

Yes, this was definitely Darren, Chris squeezed his eyes shut again.

"Chris...", he let out a sigh. "Listen...this is the last scene before the hiatus. We don't have to see each other anymore after this...we can...we have all the distance we need but this is...we need to do this ok?"  
>"I'm so sorry for making things weird.", Chris blurted out, interrupting Darren's rambling.<p>

"No, no I'm just as guilty as you are.", the older man said. "I don't know what...what I'm doing and I'm sorry for that too but...I need you to know that I won't act weird about touching you as long as you don't pull away...we will need to kiss like we used to and...I know this is hard right now but we need to get through it and we will ok? I-I'm Blaine now, you're Kurt. We need to let Chris and Darren go for this...they'll have enough to figure out later.", he muttered.

"Do they?", Chris asked, his voice snappier than he meant to.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure they do...unless you're not coming tonight."

"I'll be there...and...I don't know if I'll be ready to talk ok? I...the things we said yesterday it's...it's confusing and I don't get most of it myself so...I don't know if that's a good idea.", he was stuttering again.

"It is. We'll talk Chris. I'm not letting you go. It's not like I would want it to end like this."  
>"Let what end like this? That's the real question here isn't it...?", Chris spat and Darren was silent, he didn't know what to say.<p>

"J-just let's get over with this ok?", he finally said.

Chris nodded, clearing his throat.

_"Scene 7, take 1 one. ACTION!"_

They went through their lines, trying to get it right, trying to sound and act as sincere as they could.

Both men knew the kissing scene was getting closer and Chris already shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Darren looked at him, trying to find his blue eyes but the younger man wouldn't let him, he'd turn away, blink, anything.

"You do realize you have to look at me eventually...", he whispered when they took a break.

"Darren...just let it go ok? I'll look at you when I have to but I won't if I don't. This is...fuck this is bad. I-I can't focus...I need...I don't even know what I fucking need Darren. Just...let us get through this, we'll kiss and off we go. And tonight we're going to the wrap party and I...I'll try and talk to you but you need to promise me not to say things like...you said yesterday. It's confusing and it hurts and now that you know I feel so vulnerable and stupid and..."  
>"You don't have to feel like that around me Chris...", Darren said, his voice low and gentle and Chris felt anger flow through him again.<p>

"Yes, I do. Because you..."

_'Keep sending me signals I don't understand? What do you even want from me?', _he finished in his head.

"We can't talk about this here...", he whispered.

Darren nodded, looking down.

They sat in silence until they had to film again.

Chris took a deep breath, Darren did the same.

_"ACTION!"_

Their faces moved closer, heads leaning in, lips parting lightly and then it snapped.

Chris felt like burning when their lips touched.

He knew what it felt like, he'd kissed Darren a thousand times before but this was so different.

It was gentle and he could hear the other man's breath hitch.

Darren's lips were so soft, it felt like they were barely touching his, velvet against his dry ones.

They pulled back after what felt like hours, their breaths coming out short and shallow.

_"Cut! Good job guys."_

They didn't even notice what happened around them, they just sat in front of each other, mouths still open, panting.

Everything felt electric and like too much.

Chris got up first, muttering a rushed "See you tonight...", before leaving as fast as he could.

He needed to get out, some fresh air, he wanted nothing more but crawl into a hole and never come out again.

He would've told Ashley but he couldn't, didn't want to be weak anymore.

Chris was sick of always being the one who was getting hurt.

He was mad, mad at Darren.

How dare he kissing him like that?

Yes, he was an actor and yes, it should've been Blaine kissing Kurt but it had been quite obvious that he hadn't been Blaine Anderson in that moment at all just like Chris hadn't been Kurt Hummel.

Chris left the set, quickly taking his things from his trailer to get back to his apartment.

He better made his mind up in order to seem to be ok later, at the party he didn't even want to attend anymore.

It just hurt too bad and Darren was making it harder and harder with every warm glance, every smile, every kiss.

If only he wasn't so damn confusing.

Chris had known he was straight from the start and if Darren had acted like it he'd have given up as soon as he noticed he was falling for him.

Sadly he didn't.

Darren had sent him signals he couldn't understand.

The flirty looks and remarks, him resting his head on his shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of his neck whenever he came over to watch a movie.

The way he'd play songs he wrote on his guitar, telling Chris he was the first one to ever hear them.

What was he supposed to think? 

When he was finally at home he threw his stuff on the couch, stripping off his clothes on his way to the shower.

He needed to relax, trying not to think about the other man so much.

Chris let out a deep sigh when the warm stream of water hit his straining body, slowly relaxing his sore muscles.

He just wanted to sleep.

The young man decided to take a nap, he still had plenty of time until he had to stop being his miserable self.

He laid down on his bed, nuzzling into his pillow, letting out a deep breath.

His body felt tensed and tired, a harsh headache was pounding in his head.

Anyways, Chris was ready to sleep if only his mind would've been too.

He thought about various things that could happen later.

How things could change forever.

If it was good or bad.

Chris didn't know, all he knew was that he missed Darren already even though they didn't have 'he talk' yet.

The conversation that would either mess up or rescue everything.

When he was about to drift the harsh ringing sound of his phone brought him back.

He shifted, trying to ignore it but it would go off again as soon as it had stopped for a few seconds.

His eyes scanned the display.

_Ashley_.

Chris let out an annoyed sigh.

As much as he loved this girl, he didn't feel like talking at all.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG CHRIS!", her voice felt like a punch in the face when he decided to pick up.

"W-...", Chris cleared his throat, his voice thick with sleep. "What?", he asked, rubbing his eyes, pushing back the streaks of hair that were constantly falling on his forehead.

"You heard me right boy, what's going on with you? I saw you on set today but you stormed off like you were stung by a freaking bee! I couldn't even give you your daily hug!", she said, her voice changing into a more concerned than angry tone.

"I'm sorry...", Chris apologized, not sure for what. "I just...I'm a bit stressed out I guess.", he muttered.

"Tell me what's wrong Colfer...I know you sweetie, there's more. Spill it! You know I'll keep my mouth shut! You're still coming to that wrap party tonight though right?", she asked softly.

"Yeah, yes, yes I'll be there just...I don't know if I can tell you. I'm really sorry, you're one of my best friends and I know we tell each other everything but...it's complicated."  
>"Is it about Darren?", she said so quickly it hit the blue eyed man like a bullet.<p>

His heart wrenched as he tried to sort his thoughts, knowing he had been silent for way too long by now.

"Knew it...", Ashley whispered. "What did he do? You guys aren't fucking are you?"  
>"No, no Ashley...no...just...shit...", he cursed under his breath, tears welling up in his eyes.<p>

God, how he hated this bastard for making him feel like this.

So weak and out of control.

"Are you ok? Do you need me to come over?", she asked, feeling helpless being on the phone.

"I-I-I don't know...yes...yes please come over Ashley. I guess I need to talk I...I can't do this on my own right now. I thought I could but apparently...I can't."

"I'll be there in a few minutes ok? I love you baby ok? Just...I'll be there bye.", with that she hung up, getting into her car as quickly as she could, rushing over to Chris's place.

Meanwhile he tried to calm down a bit, fixing his hair.

When he opened the door to let Ashley in, the first thing she did was hug him with such force he felt like falling over.

"You got me so worried Colfer! Now spill it!"

"Come in first...do you want a drink?", he asked, being as polite as always.

"Nah, I'm good thank you. It's about you now Chris...so what's going on?"

"It's just...", he let out a deep sigh, slumping down on the couch, patting on the seat next to him to make Ashley sit down as well.

"It's just...I told him Ash. I don't know why but I told him...well he already knew but I...he knows."

"Knows what? That you've had a crush on him since he showed up for the first time?"  
>"That I'm in love with him and that he's confusing the hell out of me and...I was so drunk and it was a mistake and the next day it got so much worse and then on set...he kissed me. He didn't kiss Kurt Ashley...he kissed me and I kissed Darren and...it was all too much so I left. He wants to talk tonight. Like really talk...without any of us bailing.", he explained, his voice small and broken.<p>

"Well it's the least you guys can do honey...and I'm sure it's for the better, I mean...you're close and not talking about it but just leaving it like that wouldn't make it any better would it?"  
>"Of course not just...I'm scared and he's straight...but he said so many confusing things that I don't know how he feels about me right now.", Chris continued.<p>

"Like what?"

"He said something like 'I never liked guys but when I met you I started doubting.'"

"He's crazy about you dumbass.", Ashley started laughing.

"He-he's not, no, why would he? I'm not a girl...even if my voice sounds like it and I'm not exactly broad..."  
>"Stop right there! No self-pitying Colfer! You're gorgeous and an amazing human being, he would be either blind or completely stupid if he let you go! You know I'd be all over you if you were straight."<br>"Like that would stop you!"  
>They laughed and Chris honestly felt better already.<p>

"Thanks Ash...I really needed that."  
>"I'm glad boo...you know I'm there for you and don't worry, no one will ever know...until you guys get married."<p>

Chris smiled, shaking his head.

"I still don't know what to say..."  
>"Just say what you feel, be honest, there's nothing to lose now anyway...either you guys both mess up or make up.", she said and Chris nodded.<p>

"You're right..."

"I know.", Ashley chuckled, patting his shoulder.

"I need to go get ready now...you ok for now?"  
>"Yes, yeah I...I probably should get ready as well...see you later then!", he walked her to the door, hugging her, placing a light kiss on her cheek.<p>

"Thank you for always saying the right things."  
>"It's just the truth honey and now get going. We don't want to be late do we?", with that she left and Chris felt like the knot in his chest wasn't as tight as before anymore.<p>

He quickly got ready, styling his hair until it was a bit spikier than usual, more casual.

He stopped to think about what he could wear and went for a basic white V-neck, a slim black vest and some tight dark jeans.

Chris checked himself in the mirror one last time before leaving.

He felt his heart pump a lot faster and the knots in his throat and stomach seemed to tighten again.

Chris definitely wasn't ready and the pressure of having to be wasn't exactly helping either.

When he arrived he already spotted curly dark hair and he felt so sick he could've just thrown up.

He was pressing his hand to his stomach in order to keep it from cramping.

It didn't help of course so he took a deep breath and tried to walk as steady as he could.

Forcing smiles had always been easy for him so he did and quickly greeted everyone, Ashley shot him a soft smile, before walking over to him to hug him.

"You'll be ok, look at this guy, he looks just as nervous as you! You're going to be ok! He already asked me if you weren't coming...believe me, he's just as worried as you are.", she assured him.

_'I don't think that's possible...', _he thought to himself.

"Yes he is!", she assured him.

"Sometimes it scares me how well you know me...", he smiled, hugging his best friend again.

"Sure do! So now go get your man!", she encouraged him, shoving him into Darren's direction lightly, giggling.

"Oh wait!", Ashley said, pulling him back again by his arm. "I think you'll need this!", she shoved her drink into his hand, patting his shoulder before guiding him to Darren again.

"You'll be fine.", she said and left in the crowd.

Chris took a deep breath.  
>He could do this!<br>He needed to!

The young man stepped forward, shyly tapping Darren's shoulder to get him to turn around.

"CHRIS!", he exclaimed, looking unsure for a second before moving in to hug him, shooting him an apologizing look and Chris understood.

They _had_ to fake it.

"Hey, Darren.", he said, not sure of what he was supposed to say.

What would he say if things were normal between them?  
><em>"What's up?"<br>"Are you alright?"_

He just couldn't remember, no matter how hard he tried.

Darren turned around, standing in front of the other man now.

"You want to talk right now? Or later?", he muttered.

"We - I don't know...now I guess? Or we could just...you decide.", he rambled, looking around frantically.

"Chris...it's still just me ok? I - ok I think we should talk right now."

With those words Chris's heart and stomach dropped.

"O-ok.", he agreed and Darren gave him a sign to follow him. 

They walked through the crowd of cast members, makeup artists, costume designers, greeting everyone as sincerely as they could.

They were both so tensed.

"Where are we going?", Chris asked and Darren just grabbed his arm, pulling him with him.

"There's a small lounge. We can lock the door. No one will walk in. We can talk there.", Darren said.

Chris nodded.

Darren opened the door, letting Chris in, looking around to make sure no one saw them before closing the door behind him.

Chris had already sat down on one of the couches.

He had closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing, coming down a bit.

"Are you ok?", Darren asked carefully, sitting down on the other couch, not sure if he could sit next to Chris and that felt ridiculous to him actually.

"Know what? No, I'm not.", Chris said bluntly, not facing the other man.

"I'm sorry."  
>"It's not that easy Darren.", the younger man nearly whispered. "Apologizing is not enough. You...you're confusing me and you can't tell me you didn't notice. No straight guy flirts with an openly gay guy like that. I know my boundaries...and you should know yours too."<p>

"What are your boundaries Chris?"  
>"Not getting too close to you because I don't want to freak you out, suppressing the urge to kiss you every time you say something dorky and just not letting myself get in too deep because I know I'm not supposed to."<br>"But you did anyway...now tell me how I'm the guilty one here."  
>"This is not about fucking guilt!", Chris yelled, groaning in frustration.<p>

"I know it's not!", Darren snapped, "That's not what I meant. Just...if you made up those boundaries for yourself but I didn't for me...why didn't you stop me? You just let it happen didn't you? You never asked. You never said one word to me about it but yet you accuse me of doing something wrong?", he looked directly into Chris's eyes now, following his gaze as he tried to move his head away.

"Tell me Chris. How am I able to confuse you if you let it all happen?"  
>"Because I enjoyed it ok! I - I wanted someone to care about me! I had boyfriends before and they never cared about me feeling good like you did! They didn't give me backrubs when I was absolutely exhausted and cuddling wasn't enough Darren but sometimes that's all I need! Just knowing that someone <em>wants<em> to care about me and make me feel special and...loved. I - I'm a mess you know that, we talked about that but I just...I know I messed up too, I'm not saying I didn't but I couldn't stop you Darren. I literally couldn't stop and yes, I've been selfish but it made me feel ok for the first time, like really ok. Overall."

"Chris..."

"No, just...oh god...I'm so pathetic.", Chris muttered, resting his head in his hands.

"You're not. It's human...but you're crazy for not realizing."  
>"Not realizing what?"<br>"That's exactly what I've been thinking...I...didn't realize that this was what I wanted.", Darren's voice was unbearably soft and low, vibrating in Chris's ears.

"I don't get what you're saying.", the younger man was shaking his head.

"I'm saying that I didn't do it to confuse you or because I didn't have boundaries for myself. And if Glee taught us something it's that we shouldn't have them. At least not then...I like taking care of you. I like making you feel like that. I like holding you, knowing that you're here with me and...there were times I wanted to kiss you so bad but I was so confused myself Chris. I've never...you know...", Darren stopped talking, just staring at the floor.

"Never felt like this?", Chris ended the sentence for him.

Darren nodded softly, biting his lip.

"Me neither...", the blue-eyed admitted.

There was silence.

It was out there.

_Everything_.

Darren chuckled at how surreal this whole thing was.

"What is that even supposed to mean right now? I - I think I'm just as confused as before...I don't even know what I'm supposed to do or say.", he said.

A smile was tugging on Chris's lips.

Darren was grinning, looking up through thick dark lashes.

"C-can I show you?", he whispered.

"If that helps...", Chris muttered, the tension in the air nearly unbearable.

Darren's grin grew wider as he got up, walking over to Chris, putting his hands on his thighs, leaning down.

Their noses brushed against each other, eyes closing and chests heaving.

"Smug bastard...", Chris whispered against the older man's lips and he felt him smile against his.

"As if you would mind...", he muttered, brushing his upper lip against Chris's lower one.

"Stop teasing, just do it! We both wanted this for way too long to-", he was interrupted by a familiar pair of lips being pressed on his.

They kissed softly yet passionate, all the things they could never say flowing through the simple touch of their lips.

Chris leaned in more, opening his mouth to let Darren's tongue in, sliding against his.

He let out a soft mewling sound at the intensity.

They deepened the kiss, Darren's hands were now gripping Chris's waist tightly, his fingers digging into the firm flesh.

But that wasn't enough, his hands weren't touching 'Chris', they were touching rough fabric and Darren needed more, wanted more after wanting it for so long without really knowing.

He started tugging at Chris's shirt, getting it out of his pants, he groaned lightly when his hands gripped warm soft skin.

"Wanted this...so much...I never knew...", Darren panted into the kiss and Chris smiled.

Chris hands wound around the other man's neck, his fingers brushing the soft curls on the back of Darren's had, twisting them.

They broke apart when they felt like they had no air left, their eyes meeting immediately.

"I never thought this would happen...never...I always thought you were..."

"Don't say it...I didn't know either. I didn't think...it would ever be like that but it's for the better. It was eating us up, you even more than me I guess because I'm an idiot and needed a wakeup call to realize...but now it just feels like it's supposed to be this."

Chris nodded, his forehead resting on Darren's.

"I know...", he muttered.

Darren's hands were wandering, tracing patterns on Chris's skin.

Chris quickly caught Darren's lips with his again.

He froze when Darren started fumbling with his belt.

"W-what are you doing we can't...here...it's...", he rambled until Darren shut him up with another assuring kiss.

"I'm taking care of you.", Darren whispered, smiling and Chris couldn't help but fall silent, his mouth hanging open in disbelieve and the older man used the opportunity to kiss him deeply again, their tongues meeting, hot and slick.

Darren finally managed to open the belt, he opened the button and dragged down the fly agonizingly slow.

Chris felt himself getting hard.

He kissed Darren more hungrily now.

"This ok?", Darren asked, his fingers tracing along the now visible bulge in Chris's way too tight pants.

"Yes...", Chris breathed.

"You sure?", Darren was grinning at him and Chris felt like punching him because the light touch just wasn't enough.

"Fuck Darren!", he choked out when Darren pulled his pants down with one fast tug, exposing his already halfhard cock.

Darren just kneeled there, taking in Chris's body, the way his hipbones stood out lightly and how his skin looked all smooth and pale.

"Shit...you're beautiful Chris.", he panted, carefully wrapping his hand around his erection, giving it one, two experimenting strokes.

"I've never done this before...", he whispered, looking up at Chris again.

His face was flushed with lust and alcohol and his eyes dark and gleaming.

Darren was stunned with Chris's beauty.

He never thought he'd ever call a man beautiful but Chris really was.

The way he was lean yet muscular and his features looked soft yet incredibly masculine.

"Wow...", Darren mumbled, tightening his grip around Chris's cock.

He let his calloused thumb rub over the tip every now and then, causing the other man to shudder and moan softly.

Chris was panting, his fingers buried in Darren's hair.

"I-I want to try something, tell me if it sucks.", the older man said, moving up to kiss Chris again, earning a content sigh.

"Anything.", Chris muttered, kissing Darren one last time before he went down on his knees again.

"Ok...", he said under his breath, more to himself than to Chris.

Darren leaned forward, placing soft kisses around the base of Chris's cock, making it twitch.

"Darren...", Chris panted.

He kissed his way up the length, not sure how to do it yet but that quickly changed when he placed a especially firm kiss on the tip, eliciting a loud moan from the other man.

"Please Darren...", he begged, his fingers tugging on his dark soft curls.

With that Darren took him in, wrapping his full lips around Chris, sucking lightly, making Chris slide his fingers down to his shoulders to twist his fingers in his shirt.

"God...", he let out a deep sigh, his soft pants and moans making Darren more confident, he started going lower, sucking harder, his tongue playing with the tip, tasting Chris for the first time.

Darren pulled off, earning a displeased groan.

"Darren please...don't...don't stop. I'm close, you're way too good at that.", he mumbled, his hand finding Darren's neck, caressing the soft skin there.

He gently guided him back again, Darren smiled.

He loved making Chris squirm with the movements of his tongue, the pressure of his sucking.

Why weren't they doing that earlier again?

Chris was trying his best to not just thrust up to get more of the wet heat around him, he held his hips down, fighting the urge to roll them up.

Darren's tongue was still flicking out every now and then, teasing the slit and applying just the right pressure.

"Darren...", Chris said and Darren knew he was getting there.

"Darren...p-pull off I'm going to - ", Chris's chest was heaving heavily, heart and head pounding but Darren didn't get off, wouldn't stop his movements.

"Darren!", Chris said again, nearly screamed it in order to get him to pull off.

The older man smiled around him, looking up to him, his eyes glowing darkly and that was it.

Chris was coming deep in Darren's throat, pulsing and hips thrusting lightly.

The blue-eyed was panting harshly, sucking in big gulps of air as he came down, moaning when he saw Darren's throat work.

He slumped back against the couch, stroking Darren's cheek lovingly.

"Oh my god.", he sighed. "You didn't have to swallow.", he whispered, pulling the other man up to kiss him softly, not caring about the taste.

"I wanted to make you feel good. And don't worry I liked it.", he said with a grin, making Chris smile.

"Thank you. It was amazing...I should - I should return the favor.", the younger man mumbled, running his hand through Darren's damp hair.

"It's ok. This was about you Chris...and I really want to get out of here right now."  
>"Sure.", Chris said, pulling up his pants again, tucking in his shirt.<p>

"I'm glad we figured it out.", Darren blurted out.

"Me too, Darren, you have no idea. I never thought it could be like this."  
>"Me neither..."<p>

"Let me take you home...?", Darren said, a spark in his eyes and Chris nodded, kissing him again.

"I guess we have some catching up to do."

"That's true."  
>They laughed, they never felt more relieved in their life.<p>

"So was that a yes?", Darren asked again, his grin wide and bright.

"Yes, it was.", Chris chuckled, placing a tender kiss on his cheek, his nose nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

"We just need to find a way without someone seeing us. And gosh look at your hair, it's a mess.", Chris exclaimed.

"Don't worry, I'll find a way to get us out.", Darren assured him.

"Oh and Chris...I love you.", he said, simple as that, leaving Chris standing there completely speechless, completely in awe and disbelieve he could _have_ this man for once.

They've been waiting for far too long.


End file.
